De Ja Vu

So...today is like...blah. My thoughts and feelings run me...but I would guess that's just a female thing. I feel some sorta way...well pissed off is putting it bluntly.

In past relationships, I have cheated and the reason that I wasn't trusted was evident...because I was cheating. But now...I'm actually in this monogomous relationship...100%....and my man doesn't trust me. So then I feel like I have to try to work for something that I haven't done anything to lose in the first place. My life is pretty simple...and predictable: I get up in the morning, tend to the baby, I'm at home all day most days and in the evenings I work. I don't have a life of any kind outside of being a mother right now. I don't go out, he's around me 90% of the time and there's no trust? I haven't stopped cooking or doing anything out of the ordinary and for him to not trust me angers me. With all his talking to females, telling them things someone in a relationship shouldn't be saying, and even talking to females he just met about how he don't trust me, and he has the nerve. He called me a liar the other day...told me I lie about things and then play innocent. I'm 25 yrs old. What reason would I have to be so caught up in what he's saying to women if I'm doing it too? Why do I need to make him look like the bad guy? I don't. I don't trust him because he thinks that just because he hasn't actually had sex with anyone that everything else is OK. He doesn't trust me because he says I act like he used to yrs ago. That's it? I don't talk to anybody hardly. I don't go out at all. He could read all of my emails on any account and my txts in my cell and we would still have a relationship and that's all he has? Pffft. OK. He's probably got his face buried in his phone right now talking to some chick about me...or how being in a relationship is bullshit...or how he's had better days...or how unhappy he is....or he could be telling somebody how much he loves them and he can't wait to see them. He don't trust me....how bout I DON'T TRUST HIM!!!! And with reason better than that bullshit he's trying to feed me!!!!! Shit....and I really wanna marry this man too........just can't seem to get it right........

Another New Year

So...it's 2010. Most say "a new year means a new me." The only thing new about me is that I'm a mother now. I still haven't lost any of my pregnancy gained weight and really nothing has changed. Well...it is only almost March so maybe I should give it more time. Patience...it's a virtue.

Haven't been here in a while, but as I said before nothing has changed. I'm still with the same man. *sigh* Men. Can't live with them and unfortunately sometimes, you can't live without them either. I have discovered a new part of me. A part that can take things seriously and not fail at horribly at keeping a man. Most things that have caused issues haven't been my fault, and that's surprising. The most recent issue is trust, but don't most people have a problem with that?

My son. My adorable lil Mister. He's 10 months now. He is growing like a little weed. He has a sense of humor that's just the best. He's cruising, and I'm thinking will be taking those first steps independently very soon. Motherhood is challenging. I don't think those girls on Maury realize the work that's involved after your baby bump is gone. It's frustrating, tiring and completely chaotic at times. But despite all of that, I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I love being a mom. Aside from the stress and anger a relationship brings, I love sharing this life with someone else as well. Until next time.



Kavari, my handsome lil Mister. :-)