Sunday, February 28, 2010

De Ja Vu is like...blah. My thoughts and feelings run me...but I would guess that's just a female thing. I feel some sorta way...well pissed off is putting it bluntly.

In past relationships, I have cheated and the reason that I wasn't trusted was evident...because I was cheating. But now...I'm actually in this monogomous relationship...100%....and my man doesn't trust me. So then I feel like I have to try to work for something that I haven't done anything to lose in the first place. My life is pretty simple...and predictable: I get up in the morning, tend to the baby, I'm at home all day most days and in the evenings I work. I don't have a life of any kind outside of being a mother right now. I don't go out, he's around me 90% of the time and there's no trust? I haven't stopped cooking or doing anything out of the ordinary and for him to not trust me angers me. With all his talking to females, telling them things someone in a relationship shouldn't be saying, and even talking to females he just met about how he don't trust me, and he has the nerve. He called me a liar the other day...told me I lie about things and then play innocent. I'm 25 yrs old. What reason would I have to be so caught up in what he's saying to women if I'm doing it too? Why do I need to make him look like the bad guy? I don't. I don't trust him because he thinks that just because he hasn't actually had sex with anyone that everything else is OK. He doesn't trust me because he says I act like he used to yrs ago. That's it? I don't talk to anybody hardly. I don't go out at all. He could read all of my emails on any account and my txts in my cell and we would still have a relationship and that's all he has? Pffft. OK. He's probably got his face buried in his phone right now talking to some chick about me...or how being in a relationship is bullshit...or how he's had better days...or how unhappy he is....or he could be telling somebody how much he loves them and he can't wait to see them. He don't trust bout I DON'T TRUST HIM!!!! And with reason better than that bullshit he's trying to feed me!!!!! Shit....and I really wanna marry this man too........just can't seem to get it right........

Saturday, February 27, 2010

Another New Year's 2010. Most say "a new year means a new me." The only thing new about me is that I'm a mother now. I still haven't lost any of my pregnancy gained weight and really nothing has changed. is only almost March so maybe I should give it more time.'s a virtue.

Haven't been here in a while, but as I said before nothing has changed. I'm still with the same man. *sigh* Men. Can't live with them and unfortunately sometimes, you can't live without them either. I have discovered a new part of me. A part that can take things seriously and not fail at horribly at keeping a man. Most things that have caused issues haven't been my fault, and that's surprising. The most recent issue is trust, but don't most people have a problem with that?

My son. My adorable lil Mister. He's 10 months now. He is growing like a little weed. He has a sense of humor that's just the best. He's cruising, and I'm thinking will be taking those first steps independently very soon. Motherhood is challenging. I don't think those girls on Maury realize the work that's involved after your baby bump is gone. It's frustrating, tiring and completely chaotic at times. But despite all of that, I wouldn't trade this life for anything. I love being a mom. Aside from the stress and anger a relationship brings, I love sharing this life with someone else as well. Until next time.

Kavari, my handsome lil Mister. :-)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Haunting Words

So of course I've had my son. He was born April 20th, 7lbs 3 oz and 19 in long. He's my lil prince and I love him soo much. Kids are a blessing, I see that now.

As far as me right now, I'm OK I suppose. Still having trust issues in my mind when it comes to my man and how he feels about me. I try to believe him when he says he loves me and everything, but I always still think in the back of my mind that he's straight throwing me under the bus when he talks to other people, especially the mother of his 2 oldest boys. I've seen some of the things he's said to her about me and I sometimes wonder why I'm even still around. I love him, but what is a relationship without trust? I know around the time I was still pregnant getting ready to have my son, he was talking to her. Matter of fact, even the night I was laboring like crazy at home, he was talking to her, and it wasn't just about the kids either. I'm here, really wanting to be in this completely and I feel like I'm going to look like a fool somehow in the end. Do I believe he had sex with her when I was in the hospital after I had my son? Sometimes I do. But even if he didn't, the things that I've seen him telling her, especially around the time of me having my son kinda hurts. If you really don't want me to live with you when you get straight, just tell me. Why tell it to her, and then tell me something different? If you get this "bad vibe" all of a sudden then why still be with me? I always see those words in my head and they're very hard to erase.

*sigh* I just don't know what to do. I don't plan on leaving, but I don't know whether to talk about and see if it makes me feel better, or just keep it to myself. I'm leaning towards just keeping it to myself. That's always safe. Maybe there's no need to make a big fuss over it. It was 2 months ago and he could've felt different about me 2 months ago. But at the same time, if I wasn't picking up on any bad vibes, or anything being wrong with us, then it still is OK for it to hurt my feelings when I think about it. I've been with somebody once that was talking to me and still talking to their EX, telling them something completely different. I don't want to go through that again.

Monday, April 13, 2009


So...I would be new to this site. I have blogged before...but it's been awhile. My name is Nita. I'm 24 yrs old....and nine months pregnant. My due date is in 8 days, and I'm supposed to be having a boy. Excited? VERY MUCH SO!!! He will be my first child, so I definitely am looking forward to going into labor ANY day now. I'm actually praying for it. lol.

I'm not married, but in a relationship with the father of my baby. We hadn't known each other long before I became pregnant, but we're still hanging in there, making it work. Am I happy? Yes, most of the time. This is actually the first time that I'm feeling like I can be settled. I've done my share of cheating and being promiscuous....and I'm done with that now. Lets see how this turns out.